Askable Adult Skill: Co-pilot with curiosity through turbulence and engine trouble

Illustration of two smiling people hugging - one an adult with long hair, the other a youth with a ponytail. Header says "Askable Adult Skill: Co-pilot with curiosity through turbulence and engine trouble". Additional text says "Youth don't need adults to have all the solutions. They do need us on their side, listening and partnering."

Be someone they can talk to.

“You listened. You took me seriously, valued … and validated how I felt, and came to me with serious solutions instead of brushing [my feelings] aside.”

–Connor talking to Hannah, his cousin and legal guardian.  Listen to their story and hear others on our website.

Youth don’t need adults to have all the solutions. They do need adults to be on their side, asking authentic questions, giving honest responses, and partnering with them to find a way forward. 

That all sounds good until the going really gets tough. Youth and adults have real problems keeping us up at night and  youth mental health is suffering, especially for LGBTQ+, BIPOC & female young people (2021 CDC study). Grief, fear and even despair are natural responses to difficult life circumstances or just the evening news. It’s easy for adults to feel overwhelmed too. 

Image of a young person sitting in the ground with their head in their hands, looking sad. Caption says "Grief, fear or even despair are natural responses to difficult life circumstances or just the evening news. It's easy to feel overwhelmed - youth and adults alike."

Youth are learning to self-govern, regulate emotions and cultivate resilience and hope for the future. The very best way adults can support youth’s learning is practicing these things ourselves, however imperfectly: self-care for sustainability and impact, embodiment practices, nurturing connections with supportive people and community and fighting for what we love. 

Hope is a discipline.

—Mariame Kaba

A group of 16-19 year-olds participated in a “generational caucus” at an event last fall. They explained that they resent the “pressure to fix everything” they feel coming from adults.  At the same time, they love their generation’s political awareness and motivation. A young colleague told me that the work she is doing through her internship gives her radical hope. “We’re going to make change.” she told me. “We’re going to be able to work toward a solution for these issues in our school and our community.  It gives me a sense of purpose.  I am actively putting my frustration into making meaningful change.”

The key ingredients for her? Support from trusted adults who listen with curiosity and partner with her to find solutions. Connections with peers who share her values and vision. A place to channel her energy to create change in her community. 

Image of an adult and a youth side by side, preparing a meal. The young person is chopping vegetables. The adult is mixing food in a bowl with one hand and has their other arm around the youth's shoulder. Text says "We profoundly impact each other. Youth are learning to self-govern, regulate emotions and cultivate resilience and hope for the future. The best way adults can help is by practicing these things ourselves, however imperfectly."

It’s easy to feel powerless, but we profoundly impact each other. When adults commit to staying curious and understanding youth perspectives, when we share power and collaborate toward solutions, our relationships with youth can fuel a sense of expansive possibility for us as well as for them. 

Together, we can create ripples of positive change into our communities.  Adults – let’s do this!

 

 

 

Don’t give up! 

Image of an adult and a young person smiling, holding hands and walking, carrying striped flags. Caption says "Together we can generate radical hope and ripples of positive change. When adults commit to curiosity about youth perspectives, sharing power and collaborating toward solutions, our relationships with youth can fuel a sense of expansive possibility for us as well as for them. Adults - let’s do this!"

Original Artwork by Teppi Zuppo @aioazech TeppiZuppo.com